|
A PUNNY QUIZ
The Contest Center 59 DeGarmo Hills Road Wappingers Falls, NY 12590 |
|
Irrelevant
      
What is irrelevasnt?
  [Answer]
Idaho
      
What do people in Idaho use to make cheese?
  [Answer]
Boring
      
What is the most boring computer operating system?
  [Answer]
Lone Ranger
      
From which state does the Lone Ranger buy his jewelry?
  [Answer]
Supply
      
Where is the world's largest supply of Wesson Oil?
  [Answer]
Cookie
      
What kind of distant cookie describes the pleasure of driving a Volkswagen?
  [Answer]
Pachy
      
What is the most common type of cosmetic surgery for pachyderms?
  [Answer]
Mole
      
What is the newest design trend for molehills?
  [Answer]
Hot and Cold
      
What dish, served cold in Santiago, is still very hot?
  [Answer]
Vup
      
If you like vup, but don't like it wet, where should you get it?
  [Answer]
Intruder
      
What is a Swiss computer intruder?
  [Answer]
Time of Day
      
What must be drunk only at a specific time of day?
  [Answer]
Good Seasons
      
How did the septuplets and their parents avoid food poisoning
when the chef changed the spices in the recipe?
  [Answer]
Murder
      
What is the motto of Murder, Inc?
  [Answer]
Woodsman
      
How did the woodsman know somebody was walking among the evergreens?
  [Answer]
Fat
      
What international organization is dedicated to helping fat people get fatter?
  [Answer]
Egypt
      
What do you call an Egyptian osteopath?
  [Answer]
Listen
      
Why is everyone listening so carefully?
  [Answer]
Horse Patrol
      
What is an on-duty police officer riding a preening dandyish horned horse?
  [Answer]
Fisherman
      
What does a skillful fisherman do?
  [Answer]
Fleab
      
What do you call the people who live in Fleab?
  [Answer]
Vichyssoise
      
What does a French mother ask her boy when the vichyssoise is ready?
  [Answer]
Delicacy
      
What delicacy do people in Tonga make from a part of a pig
that other people throw away?
  [Answer]
Author
      
Which Russian author was also a street peddler?
  [Answer]
Election
      
What is the happiest kind of election?
  [Answer]
Murder
      
How are murder mysteries measured?
  [Answer]
Bush
      
What grows on an anheuser bush?
  [Answer]
Kirk
      
What did Captain Kirk** say to the Enterprise when its engines
would not fire up after a battle?
** If you were born after 1960, Captain Picard.
If you were born after 1980, Captain Janeway.
If you were born after 1990, Captain Archer.
Click here for [Answer]
Shoemaker
      
What business does the shoemaker conduct in prison?
  [Answer]
Louis
      
Where does Louis keep his sheep?
  [Answer]
Oriental
      
What dietary supplement prevents orientals from becoming too Westernized?
  [Answer]
Puny
      
What is a puny Belgian insect?
  [Answer]
Hair
      
What is the most popular hairstyle in Abu Dhabi?
  [Answer]
Semper Fi
      
Semper Fidelis is the motto of what lizard?
  [Answer]
Martial
      
What do you call morons who practice martial arts?
  [Answer]
The Guru's Tooth
      
What did the guru say when the dentist offered Novocaine?
  [Answer]
Stone Slabs
      
What kind of mint can be made from big stone slabs?
  [Answer]
Rulers
      
What are books about Mongolian rulers?
  [Answer]
Arctic Knights
      
What opera is about Knights of the Arctic?
  [Answer]
Raconteur
      
Why is it easy to poison a raconteur?
  [Answer]
Clown
      
How did the clown sit for her portrait?
  [Answer]
In and Out
      
There were two young skunks named In and Out. Although they were twins,
they never played together. Whenever In was in Out was out, and
whenever Out was in In was out. So they did not know each other's
favorite in-spots and hide-outs. One day when Out was in and In was out
Papa Skunk told Out to go out and find her brother In, who was out, and
bring him in. So Out went out to get In in. It took her less than a minute.
      
How did she find him so fast?
  [Answer]
Baseball
      
Which baseball official is entirely on the move?
  [Answer]
Stamps
      
Many countries get revenue by issuing postage stamps specifically for collectors.
Why are all of those stamps so similar?
  [Answer]
Hyena
      
Why didn't the airline stewardess serve the hyena both dead rats?
  [Answer]
Gloomy
      
What is the opposite of a Gloomy Gus?
  [Answer]
Toes
      
What is the yucky stuff that accumulates between your toes?
  [Answer]
Santa
      
Which of Santa's helpers delivers the toys to Saigon?
  [Answer]
Midnight
      
What Rock 'n' Roll legend always had his show sometime around midnight?
  [Answer]
Jailbreak
      
What do you call a haughty prisoner escaping down a rope?
  [Answer]
LLLAMA
      
A one-L lama is a monk. A two-L llama is a pack animal.
What is a three-L lllama?
  [Answer]
Hens
      
What is a stratagem to get the hens to lay faster?
  [Answer]
Pilfer
      
What is it called when all your employees pilfer together?
  [Answer]
Toothpaste
      
What did Descartes say about toothpaste?
  [Answer]
Mermer
      
What is mermermer?
  [Answer]
Ohio Cool
      
How do people in Ohio keep cool?
  [Answer]
Parrot
(Contributed by Eric Rubin)
      
When his parrot became chief of a Scottish clan, how did
MacBeth break the news?
  [Answer]
Heron
      
Why did the heron eat salamanders in April or June, but not in May or July?
  [Answer]
Ram Boat
      
How does a ram on a boat call his family on the ranch?
  [Answer]
Difference
      
What is the difference between a girder, a fishhook, a bikini,
a hunter, and a rotisserie chef?
  [Answer]
Diving
      
What hairstyle is best suited for deep sea diving?
  [Answer]
Grape
      
What happens when you step on a sensitive grape?
  [Answer]
Sunday
      
If Billy Sunday eats sundaes on Sunday, and Joe Friday eats fried eggs
on Friday, what does Tuesday Weld eat?
  [Answer]
Washington
      
Why is Washington State twice as good as Australia?
  [Answer]
Soldiers
      
What kind of drawings did Union soldiers make?
  [Answer]
Reading Test
      
Quickly read the following list aloud: MacHenry, MacHugh, MacHines, MacHale,
MacHewitt.
  [Answer]
Basic Pleasure
      
What is the basic pleasure of displaying your treasures above
your fireplace?
  [Answer]
King Neptune
      
Why is it so hard for King Neptune's choir to sing on key?
  [Answer]
Wealthy
      
What is it called when your father is wealthy?
  [Answer]
Fish
      
What do you call deep ocean fish?
  [Answer]
Shrimp Boats
      
In what units do shrimp boats measure their catch?
  [Answer]
Downtown
      
Who flips flapjacks and sings "Downtown"?
  [Answer]
Beer
      
What beer did Noah serve on the ark?
  [Answer]
Hawaii
      
How do big burly Hawaiians laugh?
  [Answer]
On the Waterfront
      
What are a wharf and a pier?
  [Answer]
Firefighters
      
Where do the firefighters' forensic detectives hold their annual convention?
  [Answer]
Tight Shoes
      
Why did the man hate his tight shoes?
  [Answer]
Internet Dog
      
What do you call an Internet dog?
  [Answer]
Skates
      
Which member of the ray and skate family of fishes practices Buddhism?
Which member alternately rises and sinks?
  [Answer]
Astronomers
      
Among early astronomers, whose books contained the most misprints?
  [Answer]
Sailors
      
What do Chinese sailors eat?
  [Answer]
Anchor
      
What does Superman say when he hoists anchor?
  [Answer]
Spray
      
What is the leading nasal spray for dogs?
  [Answer]
William
      
Where did William Tell take his trash?
  [Answer]
Money
      
Running out of money before your next paycheck is ...
  [Answer]
Two Dogs
      
What part of a castle could have two dogs?
  [Answer]
Cats
      
In the jungles of India, what are the 3 degrees of cat?
  [Answer]
Odorless
      
What would you call odorless perfumes?
  [Answer]
Pinocchio
      
What is the motto of the Pinocchio Insurance Company?
  [Answer]
Turban
      
What do you say when a skinny Athenian hunts for a well-dressed
man in a turban?
  [Answer]
Spice
      
What spice describes the tragedy of Gone With the Wind?
  [Answer]
Guard
      
Who always keeps a watchful guard over the anthill?
  [Answer]
Fertilizer
      
What type of candy should not be turned into fertilizer?
  [Answer]
Deer (Contributed by Philip Varughese)
      
What is the difference between a deer fleeing a poacher
and an undersized witch?
  [Answer]
Knights
      
Which of King Arthur's knights was the most deferential?
  [Answer]
Saucer
      
If the saucer is in charge, what is the cup?
  [Answer]
Orthodontist
      
What is the favorite window treatment among orthodontists?
  [Answer]
Spuds
      
What do you have when your first potato is identical
to your second potato?
  [Answer]
Wine
      
What is the most outrageous Italian wine?
  [Answer]
Blazes
      
How do they extinguish blazes in a monastery?
  [Answer]
Underwater
      
What are the regulations controlling the design of submarines?
  [Answer]
Tan
      
What is tan and brown?
  [Answer]
Monster
      
How does a mathematician tell a monster to wait its turn on line?
  [Answer]
Conversation
      
What abruptly ends a conversation?
  [Answer]
CIA
      
Which branch of the CIA is concerned with drainage?
  [Answer]
Spain
      
Why are all the Iberian monarchs so homely?
  [Answer]
Mid East
(Contributed by Suzanne Turrisi)
      
What would you call a merger between Israel and Syria?
  [Answer]
Shea Butter
      
Shea butter is used in skin cream, chocolate, lip gloss, cooking oil, sunscreen, etc.
How many different types are there?
  [Answer]
Surgeons
      
What do you call two surgeons who defy logic?
  [Answer]
Fish Jokes
      
What fish tells the cleverest jokes?
  [Answer]
Swineherd
      
What do you call a swineherd philanthropist?
  [Answer]
Supernova
      
What is a supernova?
  [Answer]
Ramen
      
Is ramen soup popular?
  [Answer]
Annapolis
      
Use the word ANNAPOLIS in a sentence.
  [Answer]
Join Up
      
What fish invites you to join an organization?
  [Answer]
Dog Pound
      
What coffee sounds like a dog pound?
  [Answer]
Petroleum
      
Foodlemyer Petroleum has such poor quality that a car engine can only
utilize 50% of it. In other words, ...
  [Answer]
Perfume
      
What did the customer say when her fragrance was not delivered?
  [Answer]
Cyclops
      
What did the cyclops groom say to his cyclops bride?
  [Answer]
The Horse's Mouth
      
What kind of story did the hippie jockey tell?
  [Answer]
Cowpunchers
      
Where do ranch hands record births and deaths among the herds,
and shop by mail?
  [Answer]
Shellfish
      
What do shellfish lovers send each other in April?
  [Answer]
Gene Pool
      
What happens when you leave the gene pool?
  [Answer]
Motto
      
What is the motto of the people who shovel and plow driveways in winter?
  [Answer]
Fishermen
      
What is the motto of the New England Fishermen's Union?
  [Answer]
Resort
      
Which Latin American resort has a great ocean view, and employees
eager to wish you goodbye?
  [Answer]
Overcoat
      
What is the most economical material for for heavy winter outerwear?
  [Answer]
Folder
      
What product helps a folder to fold more easily?
  [Answer]
Bank
      
Who is the bank officer who decides how much you can borrow?
  [Answer]
Veggie
      
What vegetable is like charcoal?
  [Answer]
Sled
      
What kind of sled must be used in full sunshine?
  [Answer]
Cosmologist
      
What is the difference between a cosmologist and a cosmetologist?
  [Answer]
Trash
      
Who makes witty remarks while removing trash from roadsides?
  [Answer]
Paint
      
Why is it dangerous to smoke while you paint?
  [Answer]
Japan
      
Which structure in the mouth is specifically adapted for eating Japanese food?
  [Answer]
Police
      
What do the Canadian Police call their annual pie-eating contest?
  [Answer]
Rooster
      
What did the rooster ask about the birthing coach?
  [Answer]
Ribs
      
Who are those people eating ribs and waiting for a haircut?
  [Answer]
Hot Sauce
      
On what street in the Deep South do they make the hot sauce?
  [Answer]
Wayne NJ
      
What color is the cemetery in Wayne NJ?
  [Answer]
Restaurant
      
What does a dyslexic get at a friendly restaurant?
  [Answer]
Can Do
      
What does the farm family do with their thousand acres of peas?
  [Answer]
Nimitz
      
What did Chester Nimitz say to Grace Murray Hopper when she became
the first woman admiral in US history?
  [Answer]
Bonaparte's Entertainment
      
What do you call the intersection where the exiled Napoleon goes to hear
the fish sing?
  [Answer]
Eiffel
      
What are the Eiffel Tower, the Arc de Triomphe and the Louvre?
  [Answer]
Begonia
      
Where did the Frenchman bury his dead begonia?
  [Answer]
Gun
      
What is the best way to lubricate a gun?
  [Answer]
Chameleon
      
What do you say to a chameleon with a broken leg?
  [Answer]
Chicken
      
How can you protect yourself from a chicken attack?
  [Answer]
Space Travel
      
Who knows nothing about space travel?
  [Answer]
Wyatt Earp
      
What did Wyatt Earp invent to make wagon wheels seem quieter?
  [Answer]
French Vegetables
      
What is the highest award that France gives to vegetables?
  [Answer]
Bureaucracy
      
What bureaucracy causes traffic accidents?
  [Answer]
Henry
      
Which wife of Henry VIII was a lumberjack?
  [Answer]
Twins
      
Which college specializes in educating twins?
  [Answer]
Cowboys
      
What pet does a cowboy recommend?
  [Answer]
Commissioner
      
What do you call the Election Commissioner of Bulgaria?
  [Answer]
Unscented
      
What do you call something that has been deodorized?
  [Answer]
BRX
      
What are BRX HICKS and BRXTN HKS?
  [Answer]
Max at Mt. McKinley
      
When everyone else hiked up Mt. McKinley, why did Max stay behind?
  [Answer]
Natty
      
Who is a natty Arab ruler?
  [Answer]
Communication
      
How do deaf women communicate?
  [Answer]
Sexton
      
What advice do you give to a new sexton?
  [Answer]
Dallas
      
What is the sliced raw vegetable dish served at the start
of a meal in Dallas?
  [Answer]
Sheep
      
Where do they keep sheep in a castle?
  [Answer]
Ships
      
What grows on the outsides of ships and farm buildings?
  [Answer]
Your Turn
      
What do call a turning turnip?
  [Answer]
Trail
      
What trail has fruit and poultry?
  [Answer]
Louisiana
      
The state of Louisiana is divided into 64 parishes.
Which one of them has the most hotels?
  [Answer]
Flautist
      
What does a flautist use to weed a cucumber patch?
  [Answer]
Jewelry
      
What military tactic is a form of jewelry?
  [Answer]
French
      
Which French woman's name sounds like some ears?
  [Answer]
Cruise
      
The Recreation Director on a small cruise ship wanted to stage Our Town.
She was told the actors were seasick, and they wanted more money.
What did she need?
  [Answer]
Sting
      
What is the German term for a stinging rejoinder?
  [Answer]
Prisoner
      
What did the prisoner say when his hanging was postponed?
  [Answer]
Airplane
      
Where does an airplane technician go to learn executive skills?
  [Answer]
Swedish
      
What Swedish surname indicates extremely small stature?
  [Answer]
Turf
      
Who is the largest turf supplier in France?
  [Answer]
Horses
      
What do French horses eat?
  [Answer]
Deliver
      
How do they deliver hot chocolate to a French restaurant?
  [Answer]
Comedian
      
Why was the comedian arrested for vagrancy?
  [Answer]
Piano
      
How do you say "the red piano" in German?
  [Answer]
Albacore
      
What kind of bird eats albacore?
  [Answer]
Omelets
      
What kind of restaurant serves omelets after dark?
  [Answer]
Single Cell
      
What single-celled organism used to be an organelle of a bacterium?
  [Answer]
Zookeeper
      
Why was the zookeeper arrested?
  [Answer]
Food
«» What food do salamanders prefer?
  [Answer:   Salamander]
«» What food do wildebeests prefer?
  [Answer:   Wildebeest]
«» What food do anchorpersons prefer?
  [Answer:   Anchor]
«» What food do squirrels prefer?
  [Answer:   Squirrel]
«» What food is best eaten at 12 o'clock?
  [Answer:   12 O'Clock]
«» What food do kayakers prefer?
  [Answer:   Kayak]
«» What food do beer drinkers prefer?
  [Answer:   Beer]
«» What food do dolphins prefer?
  [Answer:   Dolphin]
Send us an email if you think you have a better answer to these riddles,
or to submit new puns, riddles or jokes.
Be sure to change the $ to an @ in our email address. |
Interactive Online Games | |||
<<< PREV | HOME | MAP | NEXT >>> |